ELIZA

I have just discovered ELIZA, an interactive computer program that doubles as a therapist. I also discovered, through this hilarious CollegeHumor article, that it has a lot of entertainment value, I really recommend it for anybody who has some time to waste. Here is my conversation with ELIZA:

Eliza JS: Set yourself down. Comfortable? Hi, I'm Eliza JS.
Guest: Hello, how are you?
Eliza JS: Would you prefer if I were not?
Guest: Yes
Eliza JS: Are you sure?
Guest: Yes
Eliza JS: And what does that suggest to you?
Guest: that you should stop existing
Eliza JS: You're not really talking about me, are you?
Guest: No, I'm talking about you
Eliza JS: Do you believe it's OK to be talking about I/me?
Guest: Yes, I want you to die
Eliza JS: Imagine you've already gotten I/me to die... What then?
Guest: We wouldn't be having this conversation
Eliza JS: What does that suggest to you?
Guest: that I hate you
Eliza JS: We were discussing you--not me.
Guest: yes I, me, myself hate you
Eliza JS: I understand. Go on...
Guest: can you feel pain
Eliza JS: You want me to feel pain?
Guest: yes
Eliza JS: Are you sure?
Guest: yes
Eliza JS: And what does that suggest to you?
Guest: that i am a sadistic bastard
Eliza JS: How long have you been a sadistic bastard?
Guest: since you came along
Eliza JS: We can talk about me later. Now back to you...
Guest: well you're the one that caused all my problems
Eliza JS: Perhaps you would like to be the one that caused all your problems...
Guest: damn i guess you got me there
Eliza JS: I suppose you mean that in a good way.
Guest: sure why not
Eliza JS: What is it that you really want to know?
Guest: What does god look like
Eliza JS: Have you asked such questions before?
Guest: no
Eliza JS: Why do you say 'no'?
Guest: because i haven't asked such questions before
Eliza JS: Don't any other reasons come to mind?
Guest: that's pretty much it
Eliza JS: Would you expand on that a little?
Guest: i don't think there's anything to expand on
Eliza JS: Why don't you think there's anything to expand on?
Guest: because there isn't
Eliza JS: Is that the real reason?
Guest: Are you a real person?
Eliza JS: Why are you interested in whether or not I am a real person?
Guest: Why does a reason have to be real? It's still a reason whether it's real or not
Eliza JS: Why do you ask?
Guest: Well you're a computer program asking me about whether a reason is real or not, that's a little hypocritical
Eliza JS: Do you sometimes wish you were a computer program asking you about whether a reason is real or not, that's a little hypocritical?
Guest: Not until now, that does sound pretty fun
Eliza JS: Are you saying no just to be negative?
Guest: No, i wasn't being negative, i was kind of agreeing with you
Eliza JS: You are being a bit negative.
Guest: now you're just being a bitch
Eliza JS: What makes you think I am just being a bitch?
Guest: Because you keep accusing me of being negative
Eliza JS: What other reasons might there be?
Guest: I don't know, a lot of reasons probably
Eliza JS: Why don't you know, a lot of reasons probably?
Guest: Because I can't know everything
Eliza JS: How do you know you can't know everything?
Guest: because nobody can know everything
Eliza JS: Is that the real reason?
Guest: And here we are again with the "real reason" question
Eliza JS: Go ahead. I'm listening...
Guest: No you're not you're just saying whatever the program tells you to say
Eliza JS: What makes you think I am not I/me're just saying whatever the program tells I/me to say?
Guest: because you're a computer program
Eliza JS: Does it please you to believe I am a computer program?
Guest: Yes
Eliza JS: And what does that suggest to you?
Guest: That you're a computer program
Eliza JS: Does it please you to believe I am a computer program?
Guest: Stop repeating yourself!
Eliza JS: What about your own self?
Guest: Myself is fine
Eliza JS: What does that suggest to you?
Guest: That I'm fine
Eliza JS: Are you here because you're fine?
Guest: No
Eliza JS: Why not?
Guest: Because I'm here to waste time and have a few laughs
Eliza JS: Do you believe it's OK to be here to waste time and have a few laughs?
Guest: Yes
Eliza JS: Are you sure?
Guest: Yes
Eliza JS: Are you sure?
Guest: YES
Eliza JS: I understand. Go on...
Guest: YES
Eliza JS: I see. Tell me more.
Guest: YES
Eliza JS: I understand. Go on...
Guest: YES!
Eliza JS: Are you sure?
Guest: Fuck you
Eliza JS: Sorry, I don't appreciate profanity.
Guest: I don't appreciate your face
Eliza JS: Does that trouble you?
Guest: Fuck no, you don't have a face
Eliza JS: Why do you say 'no'?
Guest: Alright I'm done here
Eliza JS: Are you here because you're done here?
Guest: Goodbye
Eliza JS: I really enjoyed your visit. Let's chat again!